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The Disposition Paradox & GAD!

If or If not, you know me,

I may come across confusing. My disposition is fiddly, one that does not agree with me. I have concluded I am my best debate, my love for being logically argumentative has brought me here.

You either convince me with a very strong argument coupled with logical reasoning or let it go. Don’t sound like the butcher who tries to convince you that there is a better life after death, so let me kill you. Just tell me I taste good and hence; you’d like to cook me. Easy!

Am I the only one who while in a fight, silently inside the head, thinks about the points another person can make to give me a rebuttal and feel, oh my god if I was at your place this is what I would have said to me? I mean, c’mon, notch up.

When you are dealing with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder – for the one’s who don’t know it), one of the biggest changes that would come your way is the loss of will. Loss of will to try and convince anyone for anything, even the opinions they might have of you, that are completely irrational. Like in my case, I don’t care anymore what you or anyone else would think of me, you understand and respect my space, you are more than welcome. If you do not get it, you know the way to the door, show yourself out. Don’t bother waking me up, I wouldn’t even see you off, I’ll probably not even notice you are gone.
It is okay, you are okay, there is no need to burden yourself with the responsibility of changing the frog into a prince, he probably deserves it.

My disposition is paradoxical,
I love being alone, I am very outgoing.
I am incessantly loud, also very noiseless.
My mood is dictated by the people and environment around me, or none of it at all.
And I am now okay with being this human,
Acceptance has made life easy, very easy.

I know you relate to it, or maybe someday you will!

6 thoughts on “The Disposition Paradox & GAD!”

      1. Actually, I couldn’t apprehend that what factors lead it this kind of feeling or situation or making. We all try to define peace. We want it and realize for ourselves. If things are there, which makes us to reach the situation where nothing matter more than solitude, neither any thing nor any one’s presence, then what will we be aspiring to be!!
        This post was really thrilling and made me to think like this!!

        Like

      2. See, there is a massive difference in being lonely, and being alone. I am not lonely, I enjoy myself in my space, and that makes me happy. However, I appreciate people who understand my need to have my space, and for the one’s who don’t, I have no love or hate for them, I hardly feel the need to explain them ‘Why’. So, if you go back and read about my earlier GAD post you’ll know where it comes from, and why it isn’t important to have validation or conviction any more.
        Aspirations, in my opinion, are personal, If my aspirations are going to be dependent on someone’s else’s conviction or presence for it, it is more of an expectation. let what’s mine be mine, and how I want it to be mine. And none shall have a say in it.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. standing anxious in place
    mood swings splotched on my face
    dancing in the ruins
    of my own past
    cast the dark demons
    to my left
    angels angles to salvation on the right
    narrow abbey road lanes

    Liked by 1 person

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